That's me on the left. Ya know the one that looks like a cross between Bobcat Goldthwait and Dom Deluise. This picture was taken at a time when I was completely controlled by my appetite. Not just for food, but for acceptance and love. I see a man that is kind, funny, and good...but under the thumb of his oppressor.
Well, it is the second day. So far, not hard...I was thinking today that the anticipation of the meal, ya know the excitement of what is to come, is as thrilling as the meal itself. In actuality, a meal rarely lasts more than 30 minutes, hardly a break from "normal" life. Some of you are asking what I mean by eating out. I simply mean not eating in a restaurant...eating here at home. That's really it. I still have coffee out (I love to work at Ugly Mugs...my favorite place in the world) BUT I won't be eating out. The way I see it, coffee was never the problem...it also wasn't prepared food from grocery stores (i.e. lasagna or frozen dinners). Although I must say I generally do not like instant food.
The fight, for me, is about getting down to the core of why I have leaned so much on restaurants to make me feel better. I am basically willing to risk being lonely, sad, bored, or even... happy. I willing to risk feeling these things because I have seen a glimpse of real life. This endeavor is my way of joining the human race. To feel real support from friends...to make connections in places like the YMCA or Ugly Mugs...rather than Hardee's or some other place. If I hid away with food, I never needed to look at the things that I feared to be true about myself. It is amazing how a series of lies that we tell ourselves will hijack an entire life.
2 comments:
Does "eating out" include getting coffee at a coffee shop, or drinking at a bar?
Or does it mean eating an entire meal prepared by someone else that you have to pay for?
"Eating out" for me is chewing and swallowing anything that was prepared outside of someone's home. Homemade pizza at your place? Yes. Take out Pizza Hut at your place? No. Roy might feel differently about that. We ARE allowing coffee and tea from local coffee shops, but no food. I don't drink much alcohol, but since is it so expensive we will probably avoid it.
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