Downhill Sledding, and Eintstien's Red Shift.

The great blizzard of '10. I went sledding.

There I was, on this little wooden sled...one push with my arms..and off I went. At first, it seemed like it was going to be easy enough. Just stay on...keep going straight..try not to do too much wriggling about. Then, it started to get little faster--well, a LOT faster. Equipped with no brake, I had no choice but to try to use my toes. I planted them and drug them to TRY and slow the sled. They began to burn so I had to just face it...I was going to go well over 100 mph. I felt like I was going become a statistic of wave mechanics. As I approached the bottom of the hill, I felt my self start to turn and then I went right into some one's yard. As this was happening, I had time to think. "I am going to crash." "This is going to hurt." "I hope I don't die...that would be embarrassing." When I finally stopped rolling, I realized I was not permanently maimed, so I went up the other side of the hill to do it again. "OK", I thought. "THIS time I am not going to turn so much." "I am really going to trust it." I went again..same process as last time. I start..it goes fast..then REALLY FREAKIN FAST. I am not panicking. I notice that there are a few people walking. I have the thought "Roy, don't hit those people ok?" Now what you have to understand is that those people...were off the road walking in the snow. The road? A large 2 lane thoroughfare. So it's not like we were crowded out there. But, I kept focusing on the people and not wanting to kill anyone. "Please don't hit em" "You are getting closer...be sure and turn away." "Whatever you do, do NOT hit that girl" "Did you hear me?? DO YOU SEE HER?" At that point, because of my focus, I know I am going hit a person. I started yelling..."SLED...WATCH OUT SLED...HEY MOVE-- LOOK OUT...SLED." She jumped like she was on the Matrix, and I ditched into the road itself. I said, "I am glad I didn't kill ya. This is my first time." They didn't laugh much.

This brings me to my point. Focus. It seems to me, that anytime I focus on something, I get closer to it. Without being specific, I fall victim to past habits. I think I have some level of this happening now. I have no real plan for food..nothing I am trying to do specifically. I will not do a "program" or try to follow someone else's idea of what works for them. People become dogmatic about their own "way." However, what I WILL do is follow a daily plan that includes lots of veggies and lots of water. Where I am running into trouble-- there have been sweets and I have eaten them. There has been booze..I drank it. So, I don't have a substitute to intervene when the "snackies" come. But overall, my focus has been exercise, the above mentioned 2 gallons of water and 1 lb of veggies a day. This has gotten me closer to my goal but I have temporarily lost some focus.
I have this mini-goal of getting below 300 lbs. Everytime I get close, it seems that I start sabotaging myself. I think that part of me is scared to know what life is like..without something to hide behind. What if I lose my weight and I am---ugly---not as funny--an asshole--nothing left to accomplish---not special anymore----not as strong. What do I have to gain by losing?...I don't know. I never have. So, it makes sense why I fear it. It is a huge unknown. But, I am willing to risk it. I want to know what it is like. I want to know who I am. There is a large part of me that does not even know who I am or what I look like or how I would act without this extra weight. It is much larger than losing a few lbs. It is losing who I was in a way..losing a life long friend..even though the friend was toxic.

How is it going for you all? Not eating out is changing my life. Have you noticed any changes (those of you who are eating out less) Ok. I will sign off now. Thank you for you support!

Roy