The Wall

THE WALL

A secret haven to rest the facade
The fabricated joy and the put on a happy face
The easy going "I'm ok, You're ok"
Sit and rest against it
The impoverished soul who knows no outside world.

I am 3 pounds away. 3 pounds from breaking the 300 barrier. 3 pounds. It gives me an opportunity to reflect. Also a chance to see ALL the walls in my life.

Walls aren't all bad. They provide support. They keep out the weather, the hot and cold. The protect our privacy. But, have you ever been in a house that has too many? Getting around...pain in the ass. Every few steps, you are turning on a dime just to get from the living to the kitchen a few feet away. OR, have you ever been behind a wall that you don't want to be behind? You can't see someone else's face or the show. Obviously I am using "the wall" as a metaphor, but the same ideas apply.

Structure (Support)

Routines. Doing the same things for your own sake of sanity and well being. Like supporting walls in a house, they are the building block for a life. For me, they are my classes at the Y. Seeing the same faces and receiving their support AND watching them fight to do the class with me. We are all in it together. I like it. Ugly Mugs. Again, a lot of the same friends and it's easy to make new ones! Blogging. Providing myself with support and hearing from all of YOU. It's like an isolation buster.

Structure (Confinement)

All the things that have a positive role in my life also have an evil twin. You can hide behind structure. One's life can be demanding ---at the beck and call of others. A certain amount of this is required when we take on roles...workplace...mother and father..husband wife... But we can easily lose ourselves if we aren't careful. For example, I have had an incredibly busy day and have work due as we speak. Because I feel stress, I have cravings. I also found that eating was an inconvenience that I couldn't afford today. I cooked anyway...and now..I am blogging. It is very very important not to lose one's touchstones of sanity. Being a people pleaser is a trap I am familiar with. I don't want you to be disappointed in me, even if it means I disappoint myself.

Barrier (Protection)

Protection is something we all need. We need to keep out the elements. We need to keep the animals out. We are vulnerable and must protect our frailty. It feels good to be protected...

Barrier (Isolation)

When the instinct to "protect" ourselves becomes overrun, we are cut off from everything that makes us thrive. Our comfort zone becomes less and less until we are left with a comfort "strip". For me, I have been severed from being..connected. The worst part...I have been severed from myself. I don't really know myself very well.. Now, I am learning ---for the first time.

I feel things I have never really felt. I think most people go through this in puberty...I am starting just this side of middle age. BUT, I will go with it. hah!

My plan is to eat a carb mindful and nutritious diet...get plenty of interaction with people and go to Nikole's 5:30 PM class this evening. I am knocking on the 200's door. I hope it answers soon.

I will keep you posted.

Roy

P.S. share one of YOUR walls with us...

Thank you soooo much for all of your kindness and support. You are important. really.